I am continuing down the list of the 15 Things You Should Give Up to be Happy created by the authors at The Purpose Fairy. Today is about giving up blaming others. I'm sure we've all worked with someone who blamed others or have family members who won't take responsibility for their actions; maybe you are quick to point a finger or give an excuse for a bad decision. In my house these are often referred to as "reasons". What I to discuss is the "why" we blame. What purpose does it serve? Maybe if we can learn a little about why we do it, we can make in-roads to making changes.
There are actually several reasons for why we blame others. We blame others so that we that we are perceived by others to be in a higher social standing. We blame to project the negative or bad feelings on to someone else so that we don't have to own them. We blame so that there is a cause. There is a justification or "reason". This allows us to avoid and deny personal responsibility. We blame others as a way to defend (if it wasn't really our fault) or as a way to deflect (avoiding responsibility). We blame others because we hold grudges. I'm sure there are lots of other reasons as well. There seems to me to be a common theme of all of these- a need for power, an upper hand as a way to avoid vulnerability. It's intolerable to be seen by others as having made a bad choice or mistake. There is too much at risk to been seen as fallible. Others may see us as not perfect; we may see ourselves as not perfect. The illusion of confidence, perfection and superior vanishes when we allow ourselves to admit our mistake and not blame others. But, our inner ego is too fragile to risk that kind of vulnerability. So we blame others to keep up the illusion of power and control.
We are so wrapped up in the blame game; we are unable to allow true connection with others. We can't experience true happiness if we are alienating others around us. If we can accept ourselves as fallible then we will never really love ourselves. Happiness will remain elusive.
There are actually several reasons for why we blame others. We blame others so that we that we are perceived by others to be in a higher social standing. We blame to project the negative or bad feelings on to someone else so that we don't have to own them. We blame so that there is a cause. There is a justification or "reason". This allows us to avoid and deny personal responsibility. We blame others as a way to defend (if it wasn't really our fault) or as a way to deflect (avoiding responsibility). We blame others because we hold grudges. I'm sure there are lots of other reasons as well. There seems to me to be a common theme of all of these- a need for power, an upper hand as a way to avoid vulnerability. It's intolerable to be seen by others as having made a bad choice or mistake. There is too much at risk to been seen as fallible. Others may see us as not perfect; we may see ourselves as not perfect. The illusion of confidence, perfection and superior vanishes when we allow ourselves to admit our mistake and not blame others. But, our inner ego is too fragile to risk that kind of vulnerability. So we blame others to keep up the illusion of power and control.
We are so wrapped up in the blame game; we are unable to allow true connection with others. We can't experience true happiness if we are alienating others around us. If we can accept ourselves as fallible then we will never really love ourselves. Happiness will remain elusive.
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